


it will come back.

by deltachye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Gift Fic, Kitsune, Reader-Insert, Song Lyrics, Taisho Period, Yôkai, all for u darling, hozier is TOO sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [atsumu miya x reader x tetsurou kuroo | taisho & yokai au]Don't let me in with with no intention to keep meJesus Christ, don't be kind to meHoney don't feed me,I will come back.— NUMINA; in which your tears are shed in moonlight for both the childhood friend turned soldier and the mysterious stranger.[dw]
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Miya Atsumu/Reader
Comments: 37
Kudos: 287
Collections: Gift Fics





	1. don't give it a hand, offer it a soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaientai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaientai/gifts).



****

**[it will come back - hozier.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMhZ18EmlFA) **

* * *

**You know better babe, you know better babe…**

“That was mine and you _knew_ it. How many times do I have to tell you to keep your grubby paws off my damn stuff?”

Tetsurou merely laughed in your face, adjusting his cap over his mess of bedhead. By some miracle, even the hat wasn’t enough to defeat his ever-stubborn hair, so you reached up on tip-toes to help him tug it down straight. He glanced down at you through his lashes, still smiling easy-goingly, and raised his gloved hands in apology.

“All right, [Name]. I’m sorry.”

“You better be,” you grumbled. “That was my last bowl of udon, you bastard. What am I supposed to look forward to now?”

“I was hungry, girlie.” He gave you a feinted pout, one that wasn’t very becoming of his chatoyant features. It’s an expression you can remember faintly, but it’s so different now that you’re hardly able to recognize it. “It’s not like you made me breakfast or anything. What was I supposed to eat?”

“It’s not _my_ job to cook for you. I’m not your mom. Or your wife!”

He smirked, before looking down at the katana holstered onto his waist. Your anger faltered as he drew it out of its red and black scabbard, the eerie sound of metal-on-metal making your ears ring. The tassels at the end had bells attached, and their dainty jingle seemed to be a song not quite suited for the deadly weapon. He gave the sharp silver blade a cursory once-over before sliding it back into place like nothing had happened—because, in essence, nothing had. This was just his life.

“Why don’t you get a gun?” you asked quietly, his earlier trespasses against you giving way to worry. “Isn’t criminal activity going up?”

“I trained with blades, not guns,” he replied casually, not even bothering to make eye contact as he spoke. “There’s no point in fumbling with one of those things when I know how to use a sword better.”

He was looking around for something. Already knowing what it was, you retrieved the black over-coat from the shelving rack behind you, handing it to him in your arms. He shrugged it over his shoulders, fastening the clip at his throat. Standing before you, tall and handsomely dignified, was an honourable soldier of the Imperial Army. Kuroo Tetsurou is also your childhood friend, and the man that ate your lunch without asking. He’s the one you share an apartment with. The one you trust most with your secrets and your life. Oh, he’s also your first love—but you don’t like to dwell on that one.

“Be safe.”

“I always am, [Name]. You worry too much.” His grin was wry as he ruffled your hair out of place. Disgruntledly, you planted yourself in place and took it, because every time you see him off you never know if he’ll come back. His smile faltered, and he took his hand back, the absence immediately missed.

“You’re the one that needs to be careful,” he said, suddenly serious. “There’s rumours of a yokai going around.”

“You can’t seriously expect me to believe that?” you sneered incredulously. “We aren’t kids anymore. Stop screwing with me.”

You and Tetsurou didn’t grow up here. You both hailed from a smaller village, one quite a long ways away from Tokyo. As much as you loved your family, there’s no easy living in peasant farming, counting grains of rice in the dirt like each was a precious coin. You couldn’t remember a day you hadn’t gone to bed hungry. And you already knew with a heavy heart that your parents had it worse, shivering, starving silently in sleep just so that you could have a meal. You wore tattered shreds and played with a coconut instead of a ball. Needless to say, it had been a difficult childhood. When Tetsurou joined up with the army, he offered to take you along to the city. At first, you didn’t want to leave, but you knew you could do more for yourself and your family if you took a leap of faith and found your footing in the Capital. It wouldn’t be easy, but anything had to be better than this.

The two of you got here with nothing but scraps and dreams on your backs. Because of his work in the paddies, Tetsurou was strong and capable, and he climbed the ranks with ease. You managed to get lucky and scored an education, studying under a sympathetic physician. The both of you shared an apartment and had money to spare to send back home. Finally, things were turning up daisies for the two of you.

Tetsurou merely shook his head in response, unmoved. “Yeah, sure. But I’m serious. There’s been pretty bad reports in our area about a kitsune. Don’t leave anything unlocked; and if it’s dark out, walk home with somebody.”

“Thanks for the concern,” you returned sarcastically. “I’ll keep an eye out for foxes, ‘kay? You better go before you’re late. Pick up some croquettes on the way back, would you?”

“Am I your slave or something?”

“It’s just repayment for eating my hard earnt food. Now—out!”

You locked the door behind him, sighing with your palm against the door. Kitsune, huh? Yokai were just fairy tales that you’ve long since grown out of. Myths to keep children out of danger. Your fingers curled—you weren’t a child anymore, and yet, he continued to treat you like one.

With a scoff, you turned away, heading back to your room.

There was only a bit of time left before you begun your shift as an assistant with the town physician. When you were begging on doorsteps for work, he was the only one to take you in. You owed him a lot. He was a kind person, accepting all patients, human and animal alike. You had a certain fondness when treating the strays. There had been a lot of sickly dogs and cats in the village, ones you couldn’t save because you didn’t have anything left to give. Thinking back of home, you felt the familiar ache in your stomach. Maybe if Tetsurou could find some time off from work, the two of you could hail a train back and visit.

Getting ready was easy. You put your hair up and changed into your uniform. Though you weren’t a ditz, you took extra care to make sure the door was locked. Just because you didn’t believe in spirits didn’t mean you didn’t believe in bad men.

The short walk to the clinic was always interesting; passing by bustling shops with people milling about, skirting the occasional thundering automobile—it really paints the vibrant thrum of city life. Sometimes, it slips to the back of your mind, but the excitement of it is relived all over again when you allow yourself to immerse back into the energy. You’re in the Capital of Japan. As a kid, you never would’ve imagined that you’d be here, and yet, here you are. A group of women wearing Western style clothes giggled as they passed you with red nails and rouged lips. Your eyes lingered on their form-fitted dresses as they passed. It always made you self-conscious in your kimono… but, beggars can’t be choosers.

You managed to get to work early for once and opened up the clinic. The motions had already been engraved into your muscles, and you could probably clean the whole place in your sleep. It’d been a while since you swept, though. You could probably unlock the door once finishing that. The broom was kept in the back room, so you went—

—and when you came back, you somehow already had a visitor, blood pouring in torrents from his abdomen.

His skin was slick with sweat, ghastly pale. His hair was oddly two-toned, gold and black, coarsely texturized into loose waves. Staggering forwards, he ran into the treatment table and collapsed onto the ground. Somehow, in this horrifyingly agonized state, he was the most handsome man you had ever laid eyes upon. The broomstick clattered on the ground, sharply jerking you back into reality.

“Heya, pretty lady,” he breathed up at you through unbelievably long lashes. The stranger then closed his eyes, going still. It looked for all the world that he’d died.

Now, normally, nothing would have stopped you from dropping to your knees and getting to work. No matter who walked in, you treated them. You respected that about your mentor’s philosophy. But before you could reach out to him, he… melted. His body pooled, shifting, like flesh had taken up the form of water. The stench of iron blood was dizzying, cloying—and you could only stare at the two-tailed fox lying before you.

Well, Tetsu, there you go. It’s a goddamn fox spirit.

**…Than to look at it, look at it like that.**


	2. leave it to the land, this is what it knows.

**You know better babe, you know better babe…**

Surprisingly, the kitsune’s injuries looked worse than they actually were. They appeared to be a mix between bite and claw marks, both of which you’ve worked with a lot while treating feral strays. Back home, the village was haunted by wolves, so you’d seen your fair share. You were quick to suture and bandage the ragged wounds and got everything done despite shaky hands.

“There,” you muttered, wiping blood off your arms with a rag. The fox lay sleeping, curled up on the treatment table. It—he?—seemed awfully comfortable, breathing regularly.

Unfortunately, the shock of seeing a man transform into a four-legged animal took precedence in your mind. You’d lost track of time and nearly jumped out of your skin when somebody knocked on the door. You had completely forgotten to actually open up shop, spending so much time treating the kitsune. There was no time to hide it from view. Though the bloodied rags and bandages strewn about would’ve given you away regardless. The door rattled in its frame once again, jostling you out of your head.

“C-coming!” you stammered nervously. What should you do? Well, if he didn’t shapeshift again, you could probably make something up. You kicked the bloody kimono he’d left behind a shelf. More knocking. You heard the doctor grumbling your name. Stumbling to the door, you opened it, sheepishly facing your boss.

“Did you sleep in or something?” he asked disapprovingly.

“It’s not like that, Sensei…” You stepped aside to show him the room. A flash of surprise crossed his face.

“Oh? The poor little one.” He went inside and looked over the fox with careful hands. “What happened?”

“I’m not sure myself… it looked like it’d been attacked.”

“Hm. It’s got two tails? How strange.”

“Yes,” you replied awkwardly, trying not to recall the musculature of the kitsune’s human abdomen.

“Where did you find it?”

“Well, uh… it wandered in.” Technically, you hadn’t lied about anything. The doctor nodded. He didn’t seem suspicious.

“I see. You’ve done good work. I don’t think I’ll need to do any surgeries.”

“Really?” It was a huge relief to have him praise you and you felt your shoulders drop. All the adrenaline seemed to fade at that moment and you saw your vision blurring. Wobbly, you lowered yourself into a chair. “That’s good to hear.”

“Yes. It’s good timing. I had something I needed to discuss with you.” He petted the kitsune’s head fondly as he spoke, rubbing it between the ears with wrinkled knuckles. The kitsune seemed to be smiling lazily. Once again, you struggled to forget the image of his crooked smirk as he called you ‘pretty lady’.

“What is it?” you asked curiously.

“I’ve been summoned to Kyoto,” he explained. “My family there needs me.”

“Will you be gone for long?”

“Perhaps a month. Maybe two. That’s why I’d like to ask you to keep the clinic going on your own in the meantime.”

It felt like a bombshell. Your jaw was slack, and you could do nothing but stare. He chuckled at your dumbstruck expression.

“You’re more than capable of handling it, I presume?”

“I—yes! Sensei, if that’s what you’d like, I’ll do my best!”

“Good. Don’t be discouraged if there’s a patient out of your hands, though. I don’t expect you to take on a surgery or cure the plague. However, creatures like these will be lucky to have you.” He palmed the kitsune’s back, its fur gold instead of red. You hid your grimace.

He waved goodbye after collecting his things and left for Kyoto immediately after. You had never attended university for medicine like he had, so him entrusting you with such an immense responsibility was thrilling. You should’ve been over the moon, but something else was on your mind. The clinic was empty once again save for you and the fox. You sighed heavily as you drew the stool up to the table, resting your head against your arms as you stared at its sleeping face.

“What am I going to do with you?” you murmured exasperatedly.

“What would you _like_ to do with me?”

Your breath caught in your throat as amber eyes gleamed back at you.

\---

“This is…”

Uncomfortable, you had retreated to the far side of the clinic, crossing your arms over yourself protectively. Although you felt bad about doing so, you locked the clinic back up. You didn’t have enough headspace to think about treating patients right now, especially since you were currently talking to a fox.

“Would you prefer I change into my human form?” he asked while licking a paw, a sleazy lilt to his words. He had an accent you couldn’t place and a deep, sultry voice. You swallowed thickly.

“Who are you?” you asked, ignoring him.

“You can call me Atsumu.”

“Okay, _Atsumu_. Are you really a…” You struggled to say it. “A yokai?”

“Let me transform for ya’.” He smirked, canine fangs glinting silver. “I hate to see you look at me like that.”

You couldn’t help but gasp in shock as he transformed again, his fur vanishing. Blood and bone shifted as if it meant nothing at all. This was the second time you had seen it… so you really _weren’t_ dreaming. He grew into a human man in no time, though his sly expression looked the same as before. Then your face flushed crimson and you turned away, staring at the ceiling.

“Could… could you find some clothes…?”

“Don’t got any. You took ‘em, right?”

“I-I’ll go get something for you, then. Just. Cover up, _please_.”

“What? Don’t like what you see?”

You refused to look, but you figured he was laughing. You’d saw. It was the _first_ you’d seen, actually, that didn’t belong to a sickly old man. And, well… let’s not talk about it.

You hurried into the back and picked out the spare kimono the doctor kept to change into after surgery. The one Atsumu had come in with was still bloodstained and tattered, so obviously, he couldn’t wear it again. Throwing it at Atsumu, you refused to uncover your eyes until he promised that he was dressed. Peeking through your hands, you saw that he had donned the simple kimono properly. He was much larger than the doctor, but the fit was decent, and you pretended that you weren’t attracted to the way he looked in black and white.

“Will you answer my questions now?” you asked stubbornly. He touched the bandaging over his chest with muted interest.

“You’ve got good hands,” he mused. His eyes flickered over to you, wandering your body. Shivering, you hugged yourself even tighter, feeling exposed. “Hm. I like a girl in kimono. Better than those weird things the women on the town are wearing these days.”

“You’re not doing very much answering, Atsumu-san.”

“Just Atsumu.” He waved you off with a hand languidly. “Anyways, what were you saying?”

“Are you a _spirit_?” you demanded angrily.

“Yep,” he chirped back. “Thought that was pretty obvious.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Dunno.” He scratched his head, combing out the gold strands disinterestedly as he looked around. “Just went wherever I could before passing out. Thanks, by the way. Totally thought I was a goner.”

“Right… well, what happened to you, then?”

“That’s private knowledge.” He looked back to you. The way he stared at you so unnervingly made your skin crawl, but you forced yourself to meet his gaze. “So. Who’re _you_ , little lady?”

“[Surname] [Name],” you replied after a moment of hesitation.

“[Name]-cchi.” He rolled it on the tongue that darted out to lick his lips. You didn’t like the way he was hungrily grinning to himself. “Interesting…”

“Anyways, you’re all patched up now, so you can go. Right? Don’t even worry about payment. Bye!”

“I’m still in bad shape. It’s all I can do to hold a human form right now.” He flexed his hands, looking down at them. “I’m gonna need a bit more time before I’m back to full strength.”

“But you can do that somewhere else,” you pleaded desperately. “Right?”

“Wanna get rid of me that bad or sumn’?” His smile faltered and you instinctively shrank away from his glare. But then he was laughing again like nothing had happened at all, leaving you to wonder if you’d hallucinated it.

“C’mon, [Name]-cchi. I’m already in your favours. Lemme stay with you. I promise that you won’t regret it.”

“I…”

You thought about Tetsurou. He was a good man who wouldn’t think twice about sheltering somebody that needed help. In fact, there were plenty of days you came home from work to see an orphan sitting at the dinner table, crying quietly as Tetsurou laid his military coat over their shoulders. The both of you came from nothing yourselves. It was hard to look away from those in need. Still, you highly doubted that chivalry extends to fox spirits.

“You can’t stay with me,” you decided. Atsumu frowned. You cut him off before he could say anything, a headache already blooming in front of your eyes. “But you can stay in the back room of the clinic, I guess. Once you’re better, you have to leave. Okay? And don’t cause me any trouble.”

“Aw, [Name]. You’re the best!” He leapt off the table nimbly and hobbled over to you, ignoring the bandaging on his ankle. You staggered with the weight of his body as he threw his arms around you, hugging you close to his chest. A faint smell of ash and cinnamon clouded your thoughts, distracting you from the fact that he was _all up_ in your private space. You pushed him off of you hurriedly.

“I’m only doing it because I’d feel terrible if you died in a ditch!” You scowled, ignoring the heat throbbing on your face. “Kitsune are supposed to be benevolent, right?!”

“Humans are so funny with all that _lore_ stuff,” he snickered, crossing his arms. “But I suppose you did save my life. I owe you one. Sound good?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Huffing, you turned your eyes to the door behind him. You knew that there were some patients who were hoping to come in today for their medicines. You couldn’t keep the place closed the entire time Atsumu was healing, but…

“You run the place?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious after following your gaze. You grimaced but nodded, figuring that since you had already dug your grave, you might as well dance in it.

“Then… I can be your assistant. That sound good for payback?”

“What do _you_ know about medicine?” you asked warily. “Don’t kitsune trick people? You possess people, too!”

“Yer’ gettin’ ahead of yourself.” He rolled his eyes. “We bring good fortune. Don’t you know at least that?”

“I guess, but I never thought you actually existed,” you grumbled. He snorted.

“Are you surprised?”

“Obviously.” You looked back at the door guiltily and then back to him. “Hey. Do you _promise_ that you won’t cause any trouble?”

He put a hand over his bandaged heart. “Yup. I swear it to you, [Name].”

“Okay. _Fine_. I need help making medicine for the regulars, then. Can you mash up some ginseng?”

He beamed, the expression looking jarringly kind. “Sure thing.”

With some reluctance you re-opened the clinic. Old Man Sengoku came by soon after. He always did to run errands since his wife could no longer see. You liked his company.

“Ah. So Naoe-sensei is gone to Kyoto?” he mused as you explained the doctor’s absence. “I’ll need to ask you for pain medicine then, [Surname]-chan. My poor wife can hardly eat these days… it’s in her lungs, now.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sengoku-san.” Your heart panged sympathetically every time he spoke of his wife. If there was an image of true love, it had to be them.

“Have you ever tried prayin’?”

Your eyes flashed. Spinning around, you saw Atsumu cocking his head as he leant over your shoulder. Sengoku looked at you oddly.

“Did Naoe-sensei take on a new student?”

“U-um, no, he’s just helping me out for a while. He’s from my village.” You pushed Atsumu back, hissing, _“shut up!”_

“I’m serious,” he continued, dodging you. He put a hand on the old man’s shoulder. You tensed, worried—but Atsumu’s face was serious. “There’s a shrine a few days Nor’East. You pray there for good health and I’m sure your wife’ll feel a whole lot better.”

“We aren’t followers of Shinto,” Sengoku replied dubiously. Atsumu grinned in response.

“If you love a woman, you’d do anything. Right?”

“Well…” Although he still looked unsure, Sengoku nodded. “Where is this shrine, exactly?”

After wishing Sengoku farewell, a bag of vulneraries on his hunched back, you turned around with trembling fists at your side so that you wouldn’t punch Atsumu in the face.

“What were you thinking?” you all but shouted, “I told you to keep your head down, didn’t I? What in the Hells was that?!”

“Good advice,” he replied breezily. “I take it you don’t pray.”

“I don’t believe in it,” you scoffed. You’d done enough praying, and had _that_ gotten your family out of poverty? No. Why do the lords in Tokyo live so lavishly when your mother doesn’t even own a wedding band? You could pray all you like, but it all comes down to the work you’re willing to put into something.

“I take it that you don’t believe in me, then?”

You froze when his fingertips trailed down your chin to your neck. It was feather light. Uncontrollably, you shivered, unable to help a breathy gasp from escaping your lips. But then you managed to find your head and knocked his hand away, flinching back.

“Don’t make me kick you out!”

“You wouldn’t. I’m too cute.”

And so, your adventure with a kitsune as your assistant begun… you could only hope to ask for Tetsurou’s forgiveness rather than his permission once this was over.

**…Than to talk to it, talk to it like that.**


	3. honey, make this easy

**You know better babe, you know better babe…**

“I’m going to be honest,” you sighed, wiping the sweat off your brow with your kimono sleeve. “I don’t trust you.”

“What about me ’s untrustworthy?”

“ _Everything_.”

Atsumu grinned at you over his steaming korokke. “Don’t be like that, darling.”

“Don’t call me darling.” You scowled, leaning away from him. “What if you ransack the place? Or dirty Naoe-sensei’s name?” It wouldn’t really matter if it was just you, but if word got around that the doctor’s clinic was housing an unruly kitsune spirit, you’d rather die. You owed the old man far too much to commit such a crime against him. Atsumu shrugged nonchalantly.

“Then take me home with you.”

“I already told you—” Tetsurou’s lopsided grin. “—I can’t.

“Then you just gotta suck it up.” He shrugged, reaching for your korokke, plucking the half-eaten patty right out of your hands. He stuffed it into his mouth before you could protest. “Mm. These’re pretty damn good. Way better than katemeshi offerings. Maybe those Westerners are onto something.”

You sighed exasperatedly, rubbing oil off your fingers. “Seriously… I feel like I’m losing a lot more than I’m gaining, here.”

“You think you can get me onigiri next time?” he asked pleasantly, ignoring you. You shook your head with disbelief.

“You’re terrible. Whatever; I’m going home now. Good night, Atsumu.”

He raised his hand idly, chipmunking his food into a cheek. “Night, [Name]-cchi.”

“Promise me you won’t wreck the place?” you pleaded. It didn’t matter what he said, for it wouldn’t make you feel better. Still, you needed to ask.

“I haven’t gone back on any promises yet, have I?”

It was true, in a sense. Despite the fact that he loved to butt in and make himself known like some sort of godawful celebrity, he was a good helper, listening to instructions carefully. He was making medicines a lot more capably than you were able to at first, which ticked you off, but it at least meant that people got what they needed faster than if you were alone.

“Hey,” you mentioned curiously, remembering something. “Why do you keep talking about that shrine?”

Ever since Sengoku, he made a point of mentioning it to each client he could. A shrine located a few days travel North East in the foothills of the mountains. Apparently, if you prayed there, you’d be blessed. You hoped that he wasn’t sending some of your beloved regulars off on a long-winded goose hunt. You wouldn’t be able to stand their disappointment.

“’Cause it’s the real deal. Ever since this whole modernization thing, the Japanese are forgettin’ their roots with Old Gods.” He frowned into his food, crumpling up the paper wrapping in a fist. Then he looked to you and erased the expression. Once again, you wondered if you just imagined it. “You need a wish granted, darling?”

“Sure. I wish you’d go away.”

“You’re cute when you play hard to get.”

“Ugh—good _bye_!” You’d finally had enough and hauled yourself to your feet. Begrudgingly, you locked the door behind you. Right after, you made a point to glare through the window through the blinds. He waved back at you cheerfully.

Halfway home, you forgot your promise to Tetsurou. It was dark out and you were walking alone. There weren’t many people around, unlike the urban bustle of day. Curious shadows flickered in the orange lamplight, bringing a chill to your skin. Now that you knew yokai were _real_ , you didn’t feel as safe. But because of Atsumu, you’d stayed so late that you’d completely forgotten to message home. Hopefully he wasn’t worried, though you doubted it. With a small stab of pain, you knew that he was too busy for you. After all, you were just another job to him.

The Kuroo family had been quite influential in your home village. Tetsurou’s father had been the Chief and he was beloved among the people… at least, that’s what you were told. His parents both died from a wolf attack when Tetsurou was 5. You had yet to be born. Command shifted over to the Kenma family, who took Tetsurou up as an adoptee. You, Tetsurou, and his adoptive younger brother Kozume had always been inseparable. Your father claimed he was indebted to the ex-Chief and did a lot of work to help Tetsurou, offering him work and anything else he could. Tetsu had been in your life since day one. It’s also why he offered to take you to Tokyo with him. He’s the type to feel obligated to pay back his dues, always shouldering everything on his own. He’s dense, you know, but he’s probably never even noticed your feelings for him. He must only see you as a little sister at worst and a childhood friend at best. Some days you’re able to convince yourself that you’re over him. But some nights, you lie in your bed, knowing he’s just across the hall and you’re still never going to be able to cross the bridge to him.

“I’m home,” you called wearily, stepping into the apartment. You peered into the still lit kitchen. Kuroo raised his head from his arms with a jolt, and you realized that he must’ve been sleeping at the circular dining table.

“Where were you?” he asked tiredly, rubbing a red spot off his cheek as you approached.

“Work.”

“You could’ve let me know. The croquettes got cold.”

“Cro…? Oh, yeah.” You’d asked him to get them for you, hadn’t you? It completely slipped your mind. You sat across from him heavily, tired from the long day. “I already ate. Sorry.”

“Oh, did you…” He was studying you closely. Hastily, you changed the subject, feeling unfairly scrutinized.

“Yeah. Um. Naoe-sensei is going to Kyoto for a month, so I’m running the clinic on my own.”

“Seriously?” He raised a dark brow. “Congrats, [Name]! You’re a legitimate doctor now, aren’t you?” He reached across the table to muss up your hair. You tolerated it, too exhausted to bother telling him off like usual. Then his hand slowed to a stop, and you noticed that he wasn’t moving.

“Tetsu?” you asked, concerned that he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open. His golden eyes flickered fondly.

“You’ve really grown up.”

“Oh, shut up! I’m going to go take a bath.” Annoyed by the oddly pensive look on his face, you stood, and his fingers slipped out from your hair. The warmth from it was replaced by the feverish blush creeping up your neck.

“Wait up.” He grabbed onto your wrist when you were passing him. His tone was cold and sharp, the way he might apprehend somebody for illegal activity. He usually didn’t speak to you like this. Your heart thundered in your chest as you stared forwards. Did he know after all? Was he—

“I guess you aren’t free, then? If you’re taking over for the old man.”

“What? Oh!” you fumbled out in relief. You tried to play it off. “I’ll just have to work a bit more than usual, but otherwise it’s not that different.”

“Then spend the day with me.” His grip loosened around yours, but still, he didn’t let go. A playful smirk on his face sent your heart into frantic spasms. “I’ve got the weekend off. The old man doesn’t open his clinic on weekends, right?”

“Oh…”

It was everything you’d wanted to hear. A private day with Tetsurou. Since moving to Tokyo, he’d been so busy with soldier work that he was only ever around at nights. You hadn’t been able to spend any quality time with him despite living with him. Every part of you wanted to say yes. But, how could you just leave a cheeky fox spirit sitting idle in your beloved boss’ clinic? Even if it was just a day, you felt so uneasy about it that you were already shaking your head.

“I’m sorry. I think I’ll have to work weekends now to catch up with everything.”

“Oh.” His hand finally left your skin, awkwardly dropping away. “I see. Don’t worry about it.”

“Tets—”

“’Kay, well, I’m goin’ to bed. Put everything in the fridge, yeah? And go to sleep soon. Don’t overwork yourself.” He stood up and gave you a little knock on the head before walking off to his bedroom. You watched him go, teeth clenched.

“Good fortune”, he’d said. What a load of horse shit. The regret stewing in your stomach like acid said otherwise. If it weren’t for that stupid fox, you’d be happily writing to your folks about how your mentor had entrusted the clinic to you. If it weren’t for that stupid fox, you’d be planning for your date with Tetsurou, holding outfits up to your chest in the mirror to wonder which he’d like best. If it weren’t for that stupid fox, things would be going _well_ right now. Maybe the kitsune you got was defected and brought about cursed fortunes instead.

With a heavy sigh, you wrapped up the croquettes Kuroo had bought, knowing they’d just be going to—you guessed it—

that stupid fox.

**…Than to smile at me, smile at me like that.**


	4. honey, that's how it sleeps

**You know better babe, you know better babe…**

You’re going to lose your mind with guilt.

You don’t think that Tetsurou’s caught onto what you’re actually doing, though it must be suspicious that you’re constantly skirting around him and spending so much extra time in the clinic. However, you have no choice but to spit out excuse after excuse. First it was that you needed to wait for an order of herbs. Second was that a patient was complaining poorly of a cough and you wanted to tend to him. Thirdly, fourthly… you hadn’t even caught a glimpse of him these past few days, always gone before he left and coming back when he was asleep. You missed your friend. It was the first time in your whole life that you felt so distant from him. Most of all, you hated lying to him.

“What’s up with the frown? You’re cuter when yer’ smilin’, girlie.”

Your breath caught when you heard the nickname in somebody else’s mouth. Glaring over at Atsumu, you bit down on the inside of your cheek to shut yourself up before you said something you’d regret. He noticed your hesitation and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s not like I’ll tell anybody,” he reasoned easy-goingly. “You’ve got me locked up here.”

“For good reason,” you muttered spitefully. But it’d be nice to actually be able to have a genuine heart to heart with somebody. You can’t exactly vent to any of your girlfriends who work in the shops nearby. After all, what could you say to them? _Sorry I can’t hang out, but I’ve been harbouring a stunningly attractive kitsune. Let’s do tea another time, okay?_

“I’m scared,” you admitted very carefully, choosing each word deliberately. “That I’m growing apart from my friend.”

Atsumu sat down beside you, bringing the mortar and pestle he was working with. He balanced his head in a hand, crossing a leg over the other to stare at you curiously.

“What’s happening that’s driving you apart?”

“ _You_?” you reminded bitterly. “I spend so much time here that I never get to see him anymore.”

“ _Him_!” Atsumu whistled lowly. The shame was crushing, and you had to turn away.

“Forget it. I knew talking to you would be a mistake.”

“Hold on. I haven’t even said anything yet.” Atsumu peered over at you in the corner of your eye, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t ignore his visage. You faced him and watched him scratch his head absent-mindedly. If you imagined hard enough, you could see pointy ears atop his head. “Is it just a distance thing or what?”

“Honestly, I don’t know… it’s just… I’ve known him for so long. My whole _life_. But sometimes it feels like he keeps me at arm’s length.” You feel the weight drain from your shoulders as you talk, gaining momentum as you stare down at your hands. You’ve never been able to talk about this before. After all, the person you’d turn to for something like this would be Tetsurou. Atsumu listened quietly, allowing you to continue despite the unsure pauses. “It’s like he doesn’t really trust me the same way I trust him. I know him, so I _know_ he’s keeping something from me, but he always writes me off like I’m not important enough to know. Maybe it’s something confidential because of the army, but still. I just want to help him, but he doesn’t… need me? Want me?” You shook your head sadly. “I don’t know what to feel about him anymore.”

“Mm,” Atsumu replied. It was a comforting sounding rumble. He set down the stone bowl and turned to face you. Reluctantly, you met his gaze. “Hey, darling. You want me to do some magic on you?”

“So you _can_ do magic?” you drawled. “I knew you were lying.”

“Naw, it’s not what you’re thinkin’. It’s a real easy spell, see. Just trust me and you’ll have your answer in no time.”

“How many times do I have to remind you that I trust you as far as I can throw you?” you chastised. He disregarded you and smiled instead. The expression, once again, was so oddly kind on his angular features that your annoyance faltered.

“Don’t you want some peace of mind?”

It was an enticing offer. You _did_. How long had you been struggling with the grief of just being Tetsurou’s friend—one who didn’t love you nearly as much as you loved him? You wanted to put your thoughts to rest once and for all.

“Okay,” you mumbled dubiously before you could overthink it. “What do I have to do?”

“Just close your eyes.” He laughed at the expression on your face. “Relax, I ain’t gonna hurt you.”

“…fine.” You did so, allowing your eyelids to shut with great reluctance. They were twitchy with apprehension. You wanted to re-open your eyes so badly, hating that you didn’t know what he was up to. Your ears rung with static as you waited like a sitting duck.

Then you felt it; his lips on yours.

“What’re you _doing_!?” you yelped, reflexively jumping away from him. But Atsumu’s strong hands had slipped behind your head and he was on you again, slanting his lips over yours, locking you in submission. It was a vicious kiss. You didn’t exactly have much experience to boast about, but even you could understand that this was something more than just a little kiss. He wasn’t making fun of you. Or maybe he was, and you were foolish enough to fall for a fox’s tricks. His tongue danced hungrily in your mouth, lapping up the sweetness of your own. The sharpness of his canines digging into your lip made you gasp, and he took that for himself, too.

Your first kiss… gone.

After an amount of time that felt like both forever and a blink of an eye, his hand left your hair and he pulled back. A sweetly scented laugh ghosted over your cupid’s bow, your lips wet and sore. His eyes re-opened sleazily. Those unnatural pools of gold smiled back at you, shimmering iridescently. You drowned in them.

“Forget your worries yet?” he whispered huskily. “Told you. Simple magic.”

How did you find your way back to him? When? Why? Your memory was scrambling—thoughtless. But your fingers had wound around the collars of his borrowed kimono, tightening desperately to bring him closer to you. Everything was heat and fire, burning you, but you pressed against him anyways. He kissed you back so easily, and it only stoked your desperation.

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was wrong. You _hadn’t_ forgotten your worries; in fact, they were only worse now. It was the only thing you could think about as his teeth razed your neck. You wanted him to be Kuroo Tetsurou so badly. With your eyes closed, you could almost imagine that the fingers raking through your tangled hair were his. That the sweet ache of bloomed bruises on your sensitive skin were his signature. That the lap you were being yanked into was your dear Tetsu’s. But you were still kissing Atsumu like you’d die without him, his breath feeding your feverishly whispered moans. His hands gripped at your hips and you clung to him in return. There was guilt, yes, but also _pleasure_.

“Precious girl,” he murmured into your ear, coaxing forwards a weak whimper when you felt his fingers nimbly slip into your kimono. “You’re more fun than I thought.”

**…Than to hold me just, hold me just like that.**


	5. honey don't feed it, it will come back

**I know who I am when I'm alone  
Something else when I see you**

The last tram rushes past you, bring a great sweep of cold air that makes you shiver. Dizzily, you swayed mindlessly on your feet while you waited for it to cross the tracks. The deafening screech roared over you, drowning out your thoughts. But then it too vanished into the distance and you sighed to yourself all by your lonesome, closing your eyes in the tender silence.

Just what have you done?

“[Surname]!”

Skittishly, you whipped around to look for the source of your name. A cloaked figure hurried up to you. Your legs tensed for a moment, but then your shoulders sagged with relief when you recognized the face under the cap.

“Yaku,” you greeted gladly. “What are you doing out here?”

Yaku Morisuke was a soldier in Tetsurou’s unit and was also his partner. They’d joined up at the same time and were good friends. He came by often for drinks and banter, so you’d gotten to know him pretty well. He was a Tokyo local and had helped you and Tetsurou out of tight spots plenty of times.

“Kuroo asked me to walk you home since you don’t get out of work ‘till late. You walked right past me like I was a damn ghost. Is something on your mind?”

_His teeth dug for purchase on the delicate skin of your neck, hands roaming the lower curves of your body—_

“Not really,” you lied, banishing the memory with a curt shake of the head. “It was a long day. Sorry.”

“Well, that’s okay. I heard you’re taking over the shop, so it’s to be expected.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, shuffling in step beside him. Yaku wore the same military uniform Tetsurou did, his golden buttons gleaming almost bronze in the low lamplight. His hand rested familiarly on a sword hilt. It was probably shameful of you to admit it, but you were incredibly thankful to have his company. _Human_ company.

“How was work?” you asked, hoping to strike up a conversation to distract yourself. Yaku shrugged nonchalantly.

“Same shit. Things’ll probably kick up soon, though. We’re working on an important case and have finally got decent leads.”

“Oh, I see… I guess you and Tetsurou will be pulling longer hours than usual again.”

“Sorry to keep stealing him away from you. But you’ll be happy to hear that the General really likes the guy. I figure he’ll get promoted pretty soon.”

“Mm… that’s good…”

Yaku slowed a bit, giving you a curious look. “‘That’s good’? Huh. I thought you would’ve been happier about it. You’re always asking about him after all.”

“Huh?” You snapped yourself out of your reverie. _You like it when I whisper yer’ name all low and sweet, don’t y—?_

“Are you really okay, [Surname]? You look pale.”

“I… I think I’m just sleep deprived.” You shook your head and gave him a weary grimace of a smile. Yaku nodded at you, though the suspicious furrow of his brow remained.

“Let’s get you home quick then.”

\---

Yaku declined your offer to come inside, wanting to get home himself after seeing you to the building. It was nearing midnight after all. You weren’t sure how you could beg him to come with you without sounding strange or desperate. How could you tell him that you didn’t know how to face Tetsurou after… _that_?

You itched at your collarbone as you crept inside, but something was off the moment you opened the door. It hung heavily in the air. Smoke. Your worries dropped through your stomach and you rushed into the apartment, finding him at the table, feet kicked up onto the surface.

“What did I tell you about smoking in here?”

You ripped the cigarette from his mouth, smashing it under your heel. He hadn’t started smoking until moving to the Capital. These days it wasn’t easy to avoid the tarry smell of tobacco, but he’d at least agreed to keep it out of the house. Tetsurou squinted at you blearily, his already hooded eyes even more half-lidded. You recognized that expression on a man and shuddered involuntarily.

“Sorry, [Name].”

Your eyes trailed down to the cans of beer littering the table in crooked rows. Getting a closer look at his face, you saw how flushed Tetsurou was. He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. You should’ve been angry, but first, you were worried.

“Did something happen?” you asked concernedly. He wasn’t the type to let himself go like this. In response, he snorted disinterestedly.

“Why do you care?”

“…what does that mean?”

You drew up the other wobbly chair and sat beside him, trying to get him to meet your eyes. He refused, stubborn, his head lolling to the side as he stared at the wall behind you instead.

“Y’know, I really thought we were close.”

“You’re being weird. I can’t possibly know what’s wrong unless you tell me.”

“Yeah.” He scowled at you, the expression needlessly cruel. You fought the urge to shrink away from him. “Silly me for thinking that you’d tell me things. So much for friendship.”

“ _What_ are you _talking_ about?” you demanded exasperatedly, hating how roundabout and petty he was being. It didn’t occur to you until after you said it.

Did he know?

Had he seen you? He couldn’t have—no way. Only Yaku was out on patrols; he’d said it himself while walking you home. But what if he’d somehow caught a glimpse through the blinds? Or what if people were whispering on the streets about the peasant apprentice and her tall, mysterious paramour? What could you possible say to even begin to explain yourself? Could you even—?

“Look, I know. You’re your own woman ‘nd stuff… you can do whatever you want…” He hiccupped absent-mindedly. “I know that. But I just…”

Your heart was pounding in your ears, drowning out the rest of his whispers. He knew, didn’t he? He knew that you’d been lying to him, and he also knew why you had cinched your obi so tightly, hiking your collars up so high. The shame and guilt floored you, making you breathless. You lowered your head.

“Tetsurou… let me just say first that I’m sorry.”

“You ever wonder what the hell the point is when you’re a failure?”

It sounded like he hadn’t even heard you. His eyes were glassy and distant. He definitely hadn’t noticed that you’d said something. Surprised, you sat back and raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not a failure, Tetsu.”

“Yes, I am,” he breathed with tangible self-loathing, shutting his eyes. His dark hair swept over his face, obscuring his expression. “If only you knew.”

“…you could tell me.”

It felt unfair, asking him to share with you when you had no intention of admitting your own transgressions. Not yet, at least. Tetsurou’s eyes slid back open, meeting yours with haunting grief.

“Do you remember what I said about yokai?” he whispered. Once again, panic seized your throat and you lost your words. You nodded instead.

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. They’re real.”

You looked at him blankly before remembering that you had to pretend to be surprised. “What? Uh. No way… you’re just drunk, aren’t you?” You cringed at your own overly stiff delivery, but he didn’t seem to notice, playing with a wood knot in the table instead.

“I’m a part of a task force in the police. We hunt down yokai. I told you, didn’t I? To watch out for them?” He rubbed his face, covering them with both hands. “…we found a dead kid. She couldn’t have been older than four.”

“Oh, Tetsu… I’m so sorry.” Forgetting yourself in sympathy, you reached over to pry a hand off his face. You took it into your own, massaging the fists open with your thumbs. His large fingers curled lifelessly around your own.

“How’d they tell you that my folks died?” he asked emotionlessly, all of the sudden. “Wolf attack?”

“…yes.” You had a bad feeling of what he was trying to get at.

“It wasn’t wolves. It was _them_.” The hand in yours clenched into another fist, far too tight for you to help. Helplessly, you watched his nails pierce his skin, drawing blood. “I’ve got to kill every last one of those damn demons. But… how can I say I’ll protect people when I let a girl like that die…?” His hand slackened, falling back into your palms with defeat. “How can I protect _you_ when I’m so weak?”

“You aren’t weak,” you chided firmly. “You’re beating yourself up unfairly. I know you, Tetsu. You’ve always been the strongest man I know. You’re doing the best you can, aren’t you?”

“‘S not good enough,” he muttered self-deprecatingly. Then he suddenly straightened in his seat and gave you a look, lucid, and strangely serious. “Hey. Stay out of town tomorrow. Don’t leave home.”

“Wh—why? I have to open the clinic. People are counting on me.”

“We’re raiding that block. The further you’re away from it, the safer you’ll be.”

“You’re raiding the town for _yokai_?” you repeated in disbelief.

“We’re staging it as a search for rebels against the government. But there’s something killing out there, and we need to put an end to it. No matter what it takes.” He pulled his hand away from yours and staggered to his feet. You followed in haste, the chair legs scraping against the ground.

“Tetsu—!”

“It’s okay,” he breathed, turning to face you. He loomed over you, always having been tall. Even as kids, he’d been taller than you. But he never seemed so _big_. You realized his hands were cupping your face when you felt a cool wetness on your cheek—his blood.

“Please don’t look at me like that.” He kindly gave you a pained smile before slipping away.

You hate yourself. You hate yourself so much because he is stumbling away from you, seeing double, broken and alone. Tetsurou is the one you love… and all you can think about is crawling back to Atsumu.

\---

“How much longer do you need to heal, anyways? Can’t you leave me alone yet?”

“Give it a look yourself.”

Having been rudely awakened by you kicking the door down, he was even sleepier than usual. He plopped down on the treatment table heavily before going still again. His eyes were closed. Had he gone right back to sleep? Bastard—he didn’t even begin to understand the severity of the situation. With a scowl, you ripped the tape off of his skin with more force than you needed to.

“Ow!” he yelped, jumping back up into a sitting position. “Damn it, woman! Have some respect!”

“…oh.”

The wounds had yet to close despite him having been resting for nearly two weeks, now. They were the same angry red lines as last week. The bleeding had stopped, but if he moved wrong, these lacerations would just split right back open. You could still see fang marks gouged in a toothy pattern on his shoulder. These weren’t normal wounds.

“See, wounds inflicted by other yokai take a little extra.” Atsumu leant forwards, his hair sticking up wrong from the pillow. (You hurriedly pushed aside your associations of Tetsruou.)

“You aren’t the killer, are you?” you accused sharply. Atsumu raised an eyebrow. For a moment you thought he’d give you something smart, but even he seemed to have a sense of tact when talking about the dead and shook his head.

“No. I swear it. I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Okay. Fine. But they’re knocking on doors next week,” you replied, panic brewing. You looked around as if something might give you the answer all of the sudden. “D-do I pretend that you’re human? Or…”

“Calm down, girlie. Deep breaths.” He snapped his neck to the side, a loud _pop_ chilling your own bones. Then he cracked his knuckles, expression stern. “What’d your soldier buddy say to you, exactly?”

“He said that there’s a yokai killing people,” you recounted irritably. “They’re going to be investigating this block starting tomorrow.”

“Mm.” His gaze clouded over before he shifted it back to you. “’Kay. I have a solution, but yer’ not gonna’ like it.”

“What does that mean?”

“We kill the killer.”

“You’re right,” you replied flatly. “I don’t like that.” Then, with anger, “what in the hells are you thinking?! Why me?”

“Because you’re the only other person who knows I’m a kitsune. I can’t exactly hire somebody else for the job.” He prodded the angry flesh wounds across his chest gingerly. “I can’t do much in this state, but if you’re right, then time is of the essence. I thought he’d at least be good until I got back… damn him…”

“‘Him?” you repeated incredulously. “You mean you know who the murdering yokai is?”

“…yes.” For some reason, he looked sad. The sudden honesty surprised you. “That’s the reason I was hurt in the first place. I tried to stop him. I thought I did.”

“Okay. Let’s say I believe that. What are you thinking, asking _me_ to help you? Shouldn’t we just leave that to the police?”

“No,” he blurted out firmly, shaking his head adamantly. “I can’t. Those high-and-mighty cops would just kill him. It has to be me that ends things.”

“Why?” you pressed.

“Because…” He hesitated, but then you saw his head drop with something that looked like grief. His hoarse mumble came out barely a touch over a whisper.

“It’s my twin brother.”

**You don't understand, you should never know  
How easy you are to need**


	6. jesus christ, don't be kind to me

**Can't be unlearned  
I've known the warmth of your doorways  
Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you**

“Your twin brother hurt you like this?”

You can’t help but stiffen up as you redress Atsumu’s wounds. He’s been quiet ever since admitting the truth to you. It’s the only time he’s kept his mouth shut, actually, and the silence is unsettling. Though you’re still angry at him for reasons that number off your hands, you feel the need to know him past the front that he’s been putting up for you. You can’t imagine what kind of pain he’s been hiding from you behind that sordid grin since wandering in.

“He’s always been a bit sensitive. I’m the older one, see. It’s in the younger brother’s blood to cause trouble.”

“Are kitsune born like humans?”

“Huh. That curious about me?” He reached out, gently flicking you in the cheek. You flinched away reflexively, but when you re-opened your eyes, you’re just able to catch the heartbreakingly sad expression on his face. But he wiped it away by the time he noticed you looking and flashed yet another shifty smile. “You can think what you like. It’s more fun that way.”

“You said you wanted to ‘kill the killer’. Were you serious about that?” You laid your palms over his gauze, re-securing the tape with the warmth of your hands. His muscles were taught. You felt his sigh, air rushing through his torso beneath your fingertips.

“He won’t stop unless I do.”

“But…”

_That’s so cruel._

You didn’t say it, though. You weren’t sure how he’d take it. He probably knew that more than you, anyways.

“You don’t have to help me, y’know. I was just sayin’ things.” Atsumu looked at you meaningfully, and if you just erased the memories of him forcing his tongue into your mouth, he almost seemed like a kind person.

“What are you planning to do?”

“…thought I made it obvious.” He swung his legs off the table and begun to walk to the back room.

“Atsumu!” you called out, frustrated,

“I’m going back to bed. You want to join or something? Didn’t think you were so forwa—”

You walked over and grabbed his arm before he could slip away. With visible surprise he looked down at you, his words dying away in his throat.

“I can’t let you do something like that alone. Especially since you almost died the first time.”

“…have people ever told you that you’re too kind for your own good?” You blinked when he placed the backs of his fingers against your cheek, stroking it tenderly. The shiver rocketed through your body. “Look, don’t worry. I’ll be okay. Besides, isn’t this what you wanted? For me to get outta your hair?”

“No!” you insisted, shaking your head. “I never wanted you to get _hurt_. It goes against my teachings.” Without thinking, you reached up and held his hand to your cheek. His skin was warm between your fingers. “I’ll help you. But there has to be a way to fix things without you killing your brother.”

“I don’t know about that.” The despairing whisper was genuine. It was like he’d dropped his mask to show you his bleeding heart, finally; sure enough, you felt something land on your face. You touched the dewdrop with your free hand.

“It’s okay.” You soothed him, stretching up on your tip-toes, your arms creeping around his arms up his back. “I’m sorry.”

“Mmgh…”

You closed your eyes, breathing in his heavy scent as he cried.

\---

You pulled your hair back tiredly, cringing at the greasy feel of it between your hands. You had never actually gone back home. Even though Tetsurou had warned you to not wander around today, you didn’t have time to make up an excuse for why you were out and about. Besides, he must already resent you, so you might as well try to get it all out of the way at once.

“Ah… aren’t you a pleasant sight to wake up to. Though you could’ve just let me give you a sleepless night.”

Atsumu propped himself up on the bundle of towels you’d laid out for him on the floor. The doctor only kept one spare futon here that wasn’t for patients, and there was no way you were going to have a kitsune spirit for a bedwarmer. You wanted to tell him off, but it might be the only time for a long while that he’d be well enough to be making dirty comments at you, so you rolled your eyes in silence instead.

“The tram for Asakusa leaves soon. That’s where you said he’d be, right?”

“Yeah, yeah… sheesh. Let a fox live without being nagged, woman…”

You bit the tip of your tongue to avoid chastising him. “Why are you so sure he’s in Asakusa? Tets—uh, my soldier friend told me that they were looking for him _here_.”

“He’s probably sneaking around from place to place. I doubt he’d stay here.” He finally sat up, his blond locks exceedingly wavy from the way he’d slept. “Sensou-ji.”

“The temple?” When Atsumu nodded, you raised your eyebrow. “That’s not even an Inari shrine.”

“Just trust me on this. He’s in Asakusa.”

“Okay,” you sighed begrudgingly. “If you say so.”

You went to the cabinet and unlocked the drawer. Staring down at the array of metal scissors, syringes, scalpels, and knives, you turned back to Atsumu nervously. “Did you think of what you were going to do when we find him?”

“…yeah.” The forlorn look clouded over his face again and he didn’t say anything else. You’d like to reach out and stroke his hair, to will the sadness away, but you didn’t. You grabbed a pair of scissors and shoved them into your underwear and tucked a scalpel blade into your sleeve. Turning back to Atsumu, you attempted to smile.

“Then, let’s go.”

\---

Asakusa bustled. It was truly an entertainment district. You felt like the country bumpkin in you had died and gone to heaven all over again. You couldn’t help but gawk, staring at all the vendors and colours. Everywhere you looked, something was happening. There was a muffled blanket of shouting, haggling occurring everywhere you looked. Almost no people wore Western clothes here and the rainbow array of kimono patterns fluttering in the wind was dizzying to look at. The rich smells of sweets and fried food made your stomach rumble. Atsumu started and looked down at you.

“Was that you?”

“…no.”

_Gurgle gurgle—_

“All right, little bear.” He hid a snicker behind his sleeve, swatting away your embarrassed slap. “Let’s get something to eat first and ask around.”

Since he was a freeloading dirt bag, you had to pay for the onigiris yourself. But he seemed so happy digging into the simple rice ball that you almost didn’t mind. He had good taste, surprisingly, and you enjoyed your food at his side on the bench. You’d never been to Asakusa before. Tetsurou had promised to take you, once, but had gotten so busy that he seemed to have forgotten about it. You let your eyes wander hungrily, allowing yourself some freedom to enjoy this bit of childish glee.

“Say, Grandma. You heard of yokai in this area? I’m lookin’ for ‘em.”

So much for being subtle. He wasted no time at all, leaning into the lady’s booth with a charming grin. Though you figured she’d have told him without the unneeded flirtatiousness, you couldn’t very well say anything without him turning it right back onto you.

“Well, they said there’s a bad one goin’ ‘round.”

“Where at?”

She gave you a helpful list of places to start with. They were mostly back alley attacks, apparently, but the Imperial Police kept writing it off as mauling done by feral animals. Although she only talked about incidents in Asakusa, there was also talk in other neighbourhoods of Tokyo about increased animal violence. The coincidence was unsettling. You couldn’t help but think about what Tetsurou had said to you last night about his parents as you walked at Atsumu’s side:

_It wasn’t wolves. It was them._

“Second thoughts?”

“Huh?” Surprised to be spoken to, you looked up to see Atsumu looking right back. You shook your head, embarrassed to be caught thinking so deeply.

“No. I guess I’m just worried.”

“You don’t have to be. You’ve got me by your side.” You felt his hand land heavily on your shoulder. A fraction of a second before you could push him off, he pulled away first, leaving the warmth to soak through the fabric instead.

“Oh, thanks! I feel so much better,” you replied sarcastically.

“I said I owe you my life, don’t I? So seriously. Don’t worry. Nobody’ll hurt you when I’m around.”

He sounded suspiciously reliable. But your tensions lifted nonetheless, and you had to admit you felt a bit safer after hearing it. You matched your stride with Atsumu and kept walking.

It was probably a bad idea to be searching Asakusa in the morning if Atsumu’s brother was only striking at night. However, the time wasn’t wasted. The pair of you spoke to a lot of people and nearly covered the entire district by foot. You learnt that nobody had witnessed anything. Everybody had been killed in the same ruthless fashion. Victims were chosen at random, but they’d all been tucked out of view at night when it happened. There had also been no sightings of wolves or jackals, but there had apparently been a fox with silver fur...

“He’s about this tall,” Atsumu would say, raising his hand a touch over the top of his own head. “Looks like me, but grey hair ‘nd less handsome. Always frownin’ for no reason.”

“Sorry, kid. I haven’t seen anybody like that.”

You learnt more about the brother as the sun drifted across the sky. Atsumu would sometimes slip up and mention something, never admitting anything to you directly. The two of you were visiting a lot of restaurants—you figured this twin of his loved to eat. He’s (apparently) quiet and doesn’t talk much unless spoken to. He’s a carbon copy of Atsumu, but coolly silver toned rather than gold… you know all this, but he’s never once said his name.

“Not telling,” was all Atsumu said when you brought it up. It was frustrating. You already knew all that other stuff, so why couldn’t you just have the name to go along with this mental picture he was painting? But it was sunset as the two of you rested at a tea shop, your feet aching, when you finally realized something—it’s easier to let go of somebody you haven’t yet named.

Atsumu is surprisingly considerate at times like these.

“I guess he only comes out when it’s dark,” Atsumu said through a mouthful of dango, shoving the entire stick into his mouth instead of eating each dumpling at a time. “’nd he ain’ takin’ his human form. Looks like we have to wait a bit.”

“But we don’t know where he’ll attack, if at all. He doesn’t do it every night, looks like.”

“He’ll be here tonight,” Atsumu replied, much more surely than you expected. He looked up at the sky, the bitter orange hues washing over his face. At this angle it was like he had molten light flecked into his eyes. “I’ll make sure of it.”

\---

Without the sun, the nighttime air had become stiflingly cold. It had been a muggy day, incredibly humid, but all the heat had dissipated from your body.

“Gimme one of the knives you’ve been holding onto.”

“Why?” you asked through your sleeve. Atsumu had insisted that the two of you squat in a ratty, abandoned yokocho, accompanied only by the permeating stench of piss.

“Just do it.”

Reluctantly you reached through your other sleeve and handed him the scalpel. He ripped the safety cap off with his teeth and immediately slit his palm in front of you. You gasped in shock.

“Why did you do that?!”

“Calling my lil’ bro.” He spoke through a grimace, dropping the scalpel onto the ground before clapping his hands together as if in prayer. He closed his eyes briefly and you watched red droplets run rivers down his arm.

“Are you summoning him or something?”

“No,” he replied distantly, looking around. “But I can sense him. He’s close. He’ll know I’m here.”

Immediately, you stiffened up. Finally, the confrontation was coming. Even though you’d spent all day waiting for this moment, you couldn’t help the wash of fear tiding over you.

“…[Name]. Get behind me.”

“What?”

“Just do it!”

You shut your mouth and shot towards him without another word, spinning around and grabbing onto the fabric of his shoulders as you stared back at where you were standing. Protectively, Atsumu shot an arm out in front of you.

“Show yourself!” he shouted. “I know you’re there!”

Already? Your face burnt, heart pounding furiously. You shrunk behind Atsumu’s broad frame, peering out to look for whoever or _whatever_ he was talking to. You didn’t see anybody in the pitch-black alleyway until something fluid shifted in the shadows. You didn’t how Atsumu had caught it—you had no idea something was there. A flashlight immediately blinded you and you winced, ducking further behind the kitsune.

“Wait,” Atsumu muttered. “ _You’re_ not…”

“Hey!”

You felt your blood freeze in your veins. You knew that voice. You’ve heard it in your dreams. Heard it since you were a kid. Without thinking you stepped out from behind Atsumu and gaped. The figure lowered the flashlight.

“Tetsu!”

“You know him?” Atsumu hissed disgustedly. “This isn’t the time for it, y’know. He’s coming.”

“That’s my soldier friend!” you whispered impatiently. “I didn’t ask for him to show up!”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tetsurou asked suspiciously, stepping closer. “Who’s that?”

You never wanted this day to come. You felt so sick that you wanted to throw up. Tetsurou was taller by a few fingers or so and tilted his head down to glare at Atsumu. Nervously, you watched them stare each other down.

“This is… uh…”

“You’re a filthy kitsune,” Tetsurou continued with sudden realization, his amber eyes narrowing. When you blinked he had already drawn his sword, the tip of it glinting at Atsumu’s chin. The bells chimed quietly afterwards.

“No—stop!” you yelped, somehow finding the stupidity to step forwards. You grabbed Tetsurou’s arm, veering his blade to the side. “Don’t kill him!”

“Wh—[Name], what are you talking about?!” He tried to shake you off. “Why are you with _it_?”

“Jeez, bud. Take it easy for once.” Atsumu seemed the least bit perturbed by the situation and didn’t look interested in helping you defuse it. “If she wants to get with a pretty boy, who’re you to stop ‘er? You’re no catch.”

“Did he hurt you?” Tetsurou asked you urgently, ignoring Atsumu’s provocations.

“No. He’s not the killer.”

“How do you… no, why do you even know each other? I told you to stay home. What are you doing out here?”

“I’m trying to help you,” you argued stubbornly, hating the accusatory tone in his voice. It was like when he’d lecture you not to go horse riding or climb trees. You weren’t a child, but he insisted on treating you like one. “We’re trying to summon his brother. _He’s_ the enemy.”

“Are you insane? Who would believe what a damn kitsune spirit says?!”

“Oh, I’m _so_ hurt by your words,” Atsumu drawled, re-inserting himself into the conversation. “Sorry she doesn’t like you half as much as she likes me, Tetsu-chan. It’s ‘cause you humans don’t have game.”

“The only reason I haven’t cut your head clean off yet is because of her,” Tetsurou replied dangerously.

“Do _not_ cut off his head. Weren’t you listening to me!? I just told you that it’s not him.”

“Yes, I was listening. You’re insane, you moron. How stupid can you get? You can’t just—”

“Hey, lovebirds!” Atsumu barked suddenly. His hand was on your arm and suddenly you were forcefully dragged in the gravel to stand behind him again. Immediately you heard something crash and fall over and tensed up, frozen into place. Another figure joined the fray, face shadowed despite Tetsurou’s flashlight.

“Who the hell is it _now_?” Tetsurou grumbled. You looked up at the back of Atsumu’s head, noticing that he was shaking.

“Long time no see, ’Samu.”

\---

“Don’t call me that.”

So that was him—the brother. Your heart caught in your throat. Tetsurou, standing by Atsumu’s side, shot a dirty look back at you. You understood it immediately: _don’t get in the way._ Thanks! As if you were planning to saunter in between three tall, scary looking men with murder on the mind.

“Why’re you doing this?” Atsumu asked, his voice breaking. Your own shattered in your chest when you heard his grief. “You were never like this.”

“Now you care? You don’t get to tell me what I’m like!”

He stepped forwards, closer into view. He seemed to be ignoring everybody else besides Atsumu for now, but the resemblance was uncanny. He was a splitting image of his twin. If you ignored the hair colour and the moon shaded eyes instead of sun, there’d be no difference at all.

“Stand down,” Tetsurou announced authoritatively, katana still in hand. “As a solider of the Imperial Army, I won’t stand for a yokai to be roaming our streets.”

“This isn’t about you,” he murmured in distaste. “This is a brother’s dispute.”

“He’s right, Soldier Boy. Stay back and keep [Name] safe for me.”

“[Name]? Oh, so you’ve found yourself another skirt?” The “Samu” character looked around and accidentally found your gaze. You hurriedly ducked beneath Atsumu’s shoulder, but it was too late, and you heard a terrifying chuckle. “Oh. You never change, ‘Tsumu.”

“That’s why I’m worried about _you_. You were never like this. Osamu. Why are you hurting humans?”

“Because, dear brother, they’ve been hurting _us_.” Osamu glared at Tetsurou. “They’ve killed our brethren! For doing what?! Existing?”

“You lot have carried enough sins to warrant it,” Tetsurou spat back. “If I could exterminate you from the planet, I would.”

You reached out and gripped the fabric of his uniform. _Please don’t fight with him,_ you begged, but he shrugged you off.

“None of you deserve to live,” he continued loudly. “Prepare to be eliminated!”

“Why aren’t you on my side?” Osamu begged, completely disregarding Tetsurou as he appealed back to his twin. “I’m right, aren’t I? Humans don’t deserve us.”

“We exist to serve them, not kill them. _You_ told me that. Just listen to me and come home.”

“Damn it. You’ve gone soft because of them.” Osamu shook his head. “I didn’t want to do this, but maybe this way you’ll see.”

“Wait, no—!”

He jumped through the air, springing up before you could register what was going on. You saw him transform into a fox, before he became something reminiscent of a shadow, and then—

“Argh!”

Tetsurou. He howled in pain, dropping to a knee. His katana clattered to the ground.

“Tetsu!” you shrieked in despair as he begun to writhe in the dirt. You tried to go to him before Atsumu stopped you, curling an arm around your waist. He began to run in the opposite direction, half-carrying you. Helplessly you tried to plant your feet but failed.

“Stop it!” you pleaded. “I need to get to him, he’s—Tetsurou, _no_!”

“He’s being possessed!” Atsumu shouted over Tetsurou’s agonized screams. “It’s too late for him right now! You’ve got run, okay?”

“I can’t leave!” you shrieked back, panicked tears streaming down your face. “Not when—!”

“Damn it—”

He hugged you to his chest suddenly, diving to the side. All the air was knocked out of your lungs when the two of you hit the ground. But there wasn’t even enough time to lie around and be stunned as Atsumu was already dragging you back up to your feet. You smelt it before you saw it.

Blood.

“Give me the girl, ‘Tsumu.”

Your tears kept flowing, but you lost all your words. That was Tetsurou’s voice, but he stared at you coldly, unfamiliar, the red-stained katana dangling from his fingertips.

“I ain’t doin’ that.” Atsumu staggered in front of you, his kimono torn open at the back from where the sword had cut. “You’ve been a shitty brother. It’s time for a good talking to.”

Tetsu—no, Osamu—grinned. You saw Atsumu in the expression, hidden away by Tetsurou’s features.

“Bring it on.”

**Oh please, give me mercy no more  
** That's a kindness you can't avoid  
I want you, baby, tonight, as sure as you're born 


	7. honey don't feed me; I will come back

**You'll hear me howling outside your door.**

You already knew that Atsumu was the one at a disadvantage in this match, what with the haunting sheen of Tetsurou’s katana in the moonlight. The blade looked like it was suspended liquid, a lake’s surface rippling serenely in the humid night air. It was beautiful enough that for a moment you forgot what swords are forged to do— _kill_. Your heart was torn in two and it was all you could do to shriek, “ _please don’t hurt him_!”

“I think you should be getting’ out of the way, little lady. No hard feelings. Up you go.”

Atsumu hoisted you over his shoulder and unceremoniously dumped you into a bin full of trash scraps. You stabbed your palm on fish bones to cushion the fall and there was something foul-smelling under your foot. But you couldn’t even find a spare second to be mad about it—there was already the metallic ring of weapons clashing. You placed your hand, wet with Atsumu’s blood, on the lip of the container to steady yourself and peeked over as surreptitiously as you could.

“Since when did you become such a difficult little brother?” Atsumu grumbled, having procured a dagger from who knows where. You had no idea when he’d gotten it, but it looked oddly mystical, its blade glowing eerily in a different way than metal usually does. Tetsurou, despite having a much larger and longer weapon, was clearly struggling against the dagger’s guard. He jumped back, swinging the katana with ease to flick blood off its surface. He scowled disgruntledly.

“We’re the same age, Atsumu.”

“I came out first, didn’t I? Means you gotta listen to me.”

“Oh, right. As if you’ve _ever_ been a good elder brother.” Tets—no, Osamu—scoffed callously, the mean expression unfamiliar on that precious face. Your knuckles were white as you clenched onto the metal edge.

“I’m serious, ‘Samu. You gotta lay it down.” Atsumu’s voice was oddly serious all of the sudden, and you saw him lower his weapon. “You can’t be hurtin’ people like this. It’s evil. I raised you better than that. I _know_ you’re better than that.”

“You still don’t friggin’ get it, do you?” Osamu pointed at his—Tetsurou’s—chest. “D’you even know what this guy does for a living?”

Your heart was sinking to your toes as Osamu straightened the military cap, the flower emblem glittering as he did. He sneered, and the vicious hatred burnt brightly behind Tetsurou’s amber eyes.

“He hunts us down like it’s sport. _Our_ brothers and sisters. They’re gone ‘cos _he_ goes ‘n slits their throats. Just tell me how that’s fair! Humans haven’t lived _nearly_ as long as us, and yet they feel entitled enough to cut us down? For what? And you want me to _save_ them? Give me a damn break!”

“It’s not fair to be murdering innocents, Osamu,” Atsumu replied softly, as if his brother was just ranting about bullying a girl in the schoolyard rather than leaving people to bleed out alone in alleyways. “That doesn’t change. You know that, don’t you?”

“…tch. Your girl’s gone and made you stupid or sumn’,” Osamu muttered in disdain. Suddenly the katana was pointed at Atsumu’s heart again, Tetsurou’s palms wrapped comfortably around the hilt. “Screw it. I’m done talking.”

“What’re you going to do? Kill me?”

It seemed like an awfully poor choice of words to be taunting somebody who obviously had the intent to kill. Osamu didn’t answer and jumped forwards instead. You had to close your eyes as the tip of the sword drew an arc down at Atsumu—but they fluttered back open with morbid curiosity. Atsumu’s dagger was still parrying Tetsurou’s katana with a strange amount of ease. You were mesmerized by the actions, but the more you watched, the more you realized that Atsumu was keeping a strict defense.

“If you’ve got problems with me, then the least you can do is be a man and hop out of that ugly guy’s body!”

“I’m making a point here!”

Another cutting motion, but he somehow managed to flip the blade halfway through his swing. It whipped around towards Atsumu’s blind spot and he was only able to side-step it, ducking away. You covered your mouth with horror when you saw the deep gash split open on his shoulder. Osamu spared him no time to recover and was already back on the offense, hounding him hard. Atsumu was forced into a corner.

“You’ve always been better at sparrin’ than me!” Osamu announced when Atsumu finally found the grounds to raise his weapon and hold him back. Blood ran down his unsteady arms like ink tattoos, and you could faintly remember what those arms were like loosely wrapped around your body. “You should _easily_ be able to take me out, especially in this stupid human. So why aren’t you, ‘Tsumu!?”

“Y… you’ve got brain rot or something?” Atsumu’s words were losing their bite. You could practically hear the exhaustion bleeding into his accent, even as he grinned crookedly at Tetsurou’s face.

“Fine. Then you’ll be able to die for your new ideal, won’t you?”

“Try me, ‘Samu.”

“Wh—No! Don’t!”

You clambered out of the bin, unable to take it any longer. You weren’t thinking. How could you? You hadn’t been thinking ever since this fight _begun_. You couldn’t just let Osamu kill his twin brother. It wasn’t like you knew him that well, and you didn’t exactly have an outstanding impression of the guy (given the fact that he had just tried to kill you and had now possessed Tetsurou), but the thought of losing your family—it wasn’t even a question. Nobody should have to go through that. You’d already seen what it had done to Tetsurou. What it had done to other people in the village. Nobody, not even _him_ , deserved it.

Still, it didn’t seem like Osamu was currently open to enjoy a friendly discussion about the sanctity of life over tea. He was currently hellbent on murder, but you couldn’t just stand aside and let him kill Atsumu in Tetsurou’s body. You had to do something. Anything.

Well, at the very least, you were able to acknowledge that you were being ridiculously stupid. So, in a ridiculously stupid fashion, you tumbled in front of Atsumu’s kneeling frame, threw your arms out, and screamed.

“ _Tetsurou!_ ”

The tip of the blade stopped at your chin. You think. You weren’t dead yet, right? Sobbing, unable to open your eyes, you were completely paralyzed by fear. But you hadn’t died.

“Please!” you begged. “Please, just spare him. If you want a human to die, then you can take me. But don’t hurt Atsumu.”

“[Name]!” Atsumu reprimanded desperately, but you spoke over him, unable to stop now that all the adrenaline was rooting in your veins, poisoning your tissues. You practically babbled, hoping that the more you spoke, the more time you could stall for a miracle to touch down.

“Leave Tetsurou out of this. Please. Osamu, I’ll do anything you ask. I’ll cut open my stomach here and now if you want, so _please_ , I’m begging you. Just leave them alone!”

“You freaking dumbass, get _back_!” Atsumu barked, but there were other strange noises in the mix.

“…argh… _mmfgh…_ no… _no_ …!”

You realized after opening your eyes that Osamu had been jittering during your entire plea. He begun to stagger back and away from you, collapsing against the far wall. His body twitched jerkily in an inhumane way, head rotating and wrists snapping spasmodically. It dawned upon you the second a bright light flashed, scorching your retinas—Tetsurou! He was still in there. He’d been in there all along. He’d heard you and was fighting back.

“You…!”

The voice was no longer Tetsurou’s. You squinted through your painful blindness and saw Osamu sprawled across the ground in that silver-haired human form, looking like he’d been thrown back. You whipped your head back to where Tetsurou had been against the wall. He had planted his sword into the ground, heaving for breath on one knee with his head bowed forwards. The miniature bells tied on the end of his katana hilt jingled, and though he wasn’t anywhere near you, the clarity of the sound was oddly striking.

“You’re a filthy onmyoji diviner,” Osamu growled with realization, scrambling to his fours. “Those’re kagura bells, aren’t they? Damn it. I knew you were different.”

You blanked and shot a glance of disbelief at Tetsurou. He was _what_?

“You’re _what_?!” you blurted out. It was probably not the right time to be talking needlessly and drawing attention to yourself, but you’d already lost your rational filter in all the stress.

“Damn right I am,” Tetsurou snarled back, ignoring you. All the kindness you’d known of him had flushed from his face. For a second, you had to wonder if he’d been possessed by somebody else. The darkness in his eyes was cold and he looked nothing like the Kuroo Tetsurou you knew and loved. He staggered to his feet. “You _will_ pay for the sins you’ve committed as scum of this sacred Earth.”

His words seemed to have the exact opposite energy of what you’d been trying to say to de-escalate the situation. You opened your mouth to say something but felt a weak tug at your kimono sleeve. Still, it was enough to drag you backwards a step and you found yourself behind Atsumu’s broad frame once again.

“Look,” he whispered to you, “this isn’t your problem. You saved my life once already, so don’t go throwin’ yours away before I’ve paid back my dues. It ain’t fair to me, right?”

“Atsumu…” You were overwhelmed with waves of emotion—dread, relief, care, thankfulness—and could only stare.

“Tetsu-chan, right?” Atsumu called out across the alley, turning forwards. Tetsurou’s face twisted in disgust with semi-acknowledgement. Atsumu ignored it, continuing his drawl as if he wasn’t shaking with the strain of just standing up. “Sorry to interrupt the Empire’s holy business ‘n all, but I’ll be taking my brother and leavin’. Sorry for the mess.”

“I can’t just forgive a murderer’s crimes,” Tetsurou replied coldly. He spun his sword in his hands with a distinctly different style than Osamu had, and yet, the homicidal intent struck you all the same. The delicate chime of his bells seemed all the more unsettling. He truly meant to cut down Osamu and anybody else in his path.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Osamu added spitefully. His eyes flickered, and you realized that he was looking directly at you. Instinctively, you cowered behind Atsumu, grabbing onto a tattered edge of his kimono.

“Damn. The two of you are stubborn as hell,” Atsumu sighed, sounding far too blasé. He shoved you behind him, giving you a glance over his shoulder. “Stay outta trouble, okay?”

You realized that his grimace was a pained smile only after he turned away.

You weren’t sure whose body was whose in the dim streetlight. There was a roar and a yell and then a pained groan coming from somebody that sounded like Osamu but could’ve been Atsumu. It might’ve even been Tetsurou. You couldn’t know. They all circled each other in a fast-paced dance that looked almost like a theatrical art. You clasped your hands over your heart, watching three blades draw the threads of crimson spider lilies in the dark. Osamu and Atsumu had also begun to morph between forms, slipping away from each other as foxes before returning as humans to grapple one another. Tetsurou had such an elegant brutality to his sword fighting that you hardly recognized him. You didn’t even know what each man was trying to accomplish in this fight. Was anybody on each other’s side? It didn’t seem like it. They were all just… fighting to kill. Despite your heartache, you couldn’t ask them to stop, because your voice had simply stopped working. You felt like you were just a faceless bystander in a dream, though this was more of a nightmare than anything else. Even if you did cry out, you doubted any of them would hear. The air was humming with bloodlust.

“Wait, _no_ —!”

“I said to get out of my damn _way_!”

You realized that Atsumu had been trying to push Tetsurou back with an arm, but he was too weak and was easily kicked aside by Tetsurou’s heavy boot. Tetsurou, with a new gash over his eye that dyed his face a chillingly gory red, raised his katana with two hands. Where was…? Your eyes fell. Osamu was lying on the ground.

“Tetsu—!” you gasped, reaching out. But it wasn’t enough. You didn’t even have enough time to truly process it before it happened in a simple fluid motion. Tetsurou plunged his blade straight down into the Earth without a word, and he wet the soil with blood. Silence stifled the air and your hand fell to your side.

He’d just killed Osamu without even flinching.

“You _bastard_!” Atsumu cried, more heartbroken than you had ever heard him before. The flirtatious mask he always wore had fallen away and he was wailing at Tetsurou’s feet. “How could you?! That was my damn _brother_!”

“And I told _you_ ,” Tetsurou snapped viciously. “Your _brother_ has taken more than nineteen innocent lives. He’s killed children. You think I’m going to just forgive that? It’s called justice.”

“…you damn diviners and your sense of holy ‘justice’.” His voice had lost everything that made him Atsumu, sounding empty and hollow. Your stomach lurched. Had the two brothers died together?

He was defeated.

You staggered over, finally finding the nerve to move. Your ears rung in the quiet. You fell to your knees, staring down at Osamu’s face. He had softened his gaze, apparently in acceptance, right before Tetsurou had… it made you nauseous to even think about. In any case, he looked calm. He shared the same handsome face with Atsumu and for a moment it looked like you were looking upon Atsumu’s corpse.

You were no stranger to death. Under the physician’s tutelage you’d watched your fair share of patients lose their clutches to life. People died, and that was a law you had already accepted. But you had never seen anybody be _killed_. With a shaky hand, you reached out on instinct and brushed Osamu’s moon-grey eyes shut. His lashes were feather light on your fingertips.

“You hurt?”

You weren’t sure who had asked you. But the nudge on your knee made you look up and face Atsumu.

“N…” You cleared your throat, trying to ease the tight strain off of it. Still, it was small. “No.”

“…that’s good, then.”

“[Name]. You’re going to explain every single fucking thing to me.” It was Tetsurou now, outrageously cruel as he yanked his blade out of Osamu’s chest. You winced at the squelching noise.

“I could say the same to you!” you shot back through tears. “You never told me _anything_.”

“I was just trying to protect you.”

“Yeah, job well done with that!” Atsumu chirped sarcastically, despite not being a part of the conversation. You turned to look back at him. He had taken his brother’s head into his lap, cradling it with utmost care despite the blood running rivulets down his body. Tiredly, he looked up with a heavy sigh. “Hey, Cock Head. Lemme ask you a favour.”

“As if I’d do anything for a filthy kits—” Tetsurou begun, but Atsumu continued unflinchingly.

“Kill me, too.”

“Atsumu!” you protested immediately, startled out of your haze. “Why?!”

“I don’t really got a reason to live anymore, do I?” he replied flatly. Though he was smiling, he sounded so broken that it made your heart shatter. “I kept you safe. Sorry I leant on you for so long, girlie, but you should be celebratin’. Our contract’s done.”

“But… I don’t want you to die.” How many times had you begged tonight? Pleaded for something only to have it taken away from you before your eyes? Atsumu merely smiled sorrowfully.

“Yeah, but I do. ‘N he does, too.” Atsumu jerked his head behind you at Tetsurou. “It’s okay. Us yokai are never really meant to live past our time, anyways, so don’t cry over me or nothin’. Your man’s just doin’ his job.”

“No.”

You heard the crunch of gravel as Tetsurou took a step forward. Your hand snapped out and you grabbed his ankle desperately, craning your head up. “No, wait. Tetsurou, please don’t—”

“You can’t trust a fox spirit, [Name]. He’s played you. I get it, okay? It’s easy to fall for their tricks.” He knelt, slowly, so that he could look into your eyes. His sad expression swam in your tears and no matter how many he brushed away, they just kept coming. “He asked for this.”

“I did,” Atsumu agreed nonchalantly. “And he’s right. I’ve just been playin’ off of you the whole time, haven’t I?”

No, he hadn’t. Even if he kissed you without permission and drove you up the walls and toyed with your feelings, he was also the one to show you around the tea shops in Asakusa. He mashed herbs with you and made you laugh. His face lit up when he ate onigiri and he’d always nick a bite of yours even though he hadn’t yet finished his own. Wasn’t that time precious for him, too? Did it really mean so little to him?

Did _you_ really mean so little?

“It’s okay,” Atsumu reassured once again. His voice was already ghostly quiet. “Thanks for everything, doll.”

You were shaking your head in silent prayers, unable to muster the breath for verbal ones any longer. Tetsurou gently pried your fingers off of him and stood. You buried your face in your hands. You had to look, you knew—you had to stand and bear witness to Atsumu’s final moments—but you were crying so much that you couldn’t even see straight. The grief was crushing you into the ground and you could hardly breathe. But you had to raise your head. You had to watch and mourn what you were losing.

“Bye, darling,” he whispered. He closed his eyes. His eyes, gold, went from full to crescent before waning to new. Tetsurou raised his katana wordlessly.

“ _Atsumu!_ ”

**Don't you hear me howling babe?**


	8. can't be unlearned.

**Don't you hear me howling?**

The sound of grating metal against the whetstone echoed through the small inn. Tetsurou has an incredible concentration when sharpening his blade, each stroke demanding his full attention to detail. He loses himself in his own world when he’s like this. He becomes an entirely different man. You had never understood it before, always wondering why he took so much pride in caring for a simple sword… only now could you understand the importance of kagura to diviners. The spiritual energy seemed to radiate off of him in tendrils. You could see years of ancient history embedded into the motions of his art. You watched him quietly, warming your hands on the tea mug. There’d be no point in trying to talk to him until he was finished.

He raised the blade, surveying it in the light. His arms flexed powerfully in a trained stance as he slowly leveled it to his eye. You could see pools of amber honey reflected in the silver metal. An unwilling shiver trickled down your spine.

After that night, Tetsurou bade by his promise and told you everything. He and his family came from a long bloodline of onmyoji diviners. His parents had been unable to vanquish the spirits that took their lives. (The boy who cried “wolf”—your heart ached for him. He had shouldered so much on his own). The squadron he joined in the Imperial Army dealt specifically with the extermination of yokai in the capital’s streets. To him, persecuting a spirit was just the same as chasing rebels of the Empire. You asked him how many lives he’d taken, but then…

_“Nevermind. I don’t want to know.”_

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said finally, sheathing the katana into its scabbard. “I’m ready.”

“All right.” You set down your tea and rolled down your kimono sleeves. His footsteps padded lightly against the tatami. He held out his hand and you took it, allowing him to carefully haul you to your feet.

“It’ll be a long walk to the temple, they said. You sure you’re up for it?” The concern in his voice was sweet, but you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“I’m pregnant, not _useless_. You don’t have to patronize me.”

“Yes, my lady. I know. Believe me.” Despite the sarcastic tone, his gaze was gentle on you. His grip loosened around yours so that he could spin his large hand against your palm more comfortably. He never let go once.

“Besides, we have to go.” You spoke softly, your free hand drifting over your bloated stomach. His ring gleamed in your peripheral. “I’d like their blessings.”

“…okay. Then let’s go.”

The hike up to the O-Miya temple was just as treacherous as the townsfolk had said. You needed to stop and sit to catch your breath countless times. Tetsurou was by your side each time, supporting you wordlessly. In some places he had to boost you across ditches or cut down foliage. The path less travelled—more like there _was_ no path. If not for the word of the village elders, you might’ve thought you were wandering blind for no reason. It took nearly all of half-light before you finally managed to summit the peak.

A temple a few days North East from Tokyo. You faced the twin Inari statues, both weathered slightly with age. One had gold etchings and the other, silver.

Tetsurou hovered further back at the gate, his hand lying on the hilt of his katana as he rested against a tree trunk. You proceeded on your own towards the shrine. It was eerily silent and at this altitude, you felt like you were a step away from the heavens. Fog seemed to pool at your feet, swirling at your toes and curling up your legs. You clapped twice and bowed before raising your eyes. With a shudder, you could almost hear the brush of a whisper against your ear:

_Welcome home, darling._

“You two better be getting along now,” you called out, nagging, a wry smile twitching at your lips. “I know it’s easy to fight as brothers, but for my sake, I really hope that you’ve reconciled.”

The water gurgled peacefully in response.

“Um, let’s see… I pray for good health for my husband and I. Good fortune. All that good stuff and whatever else you’d like to throw into the mix. You still owe me, by the way—you never paid me back for all that food, so I’m here to collect! And, uh…” You racked your brain for more to say. It’d been a few years and you had all the time in the world since then to rehearse, but now that you were finally here, you felt like you were coming up empty. There was nothing you could say that you didn’t want to just say to his face. You missed his smile so deeply… ah.

There was nothing more that you wanted to pray for than to have him back.

“But you can’t, right? Not even _you_ could cheat death, as arrogant as you are.” You sighed to yourself and laid your palms against your stomach, warming it through the silk. “Well. I’ll be back later, then. I’ll bring Kuroo Osamu Atsumu with me, too, so you can meet him.”

Then, you closed your eyes and imagined him before you. His grin was crooked, and his eyes sparkled like morning dawn. You pulled the offerings from your sleeves and lay them down carefully. You stood, brushing off your hands. You didn’t want to leave. It felt like you could stay here forever… but you had to go. With a hoarse breath, you whispered,

“Goodbye.”

“That was fast,” Tetsurou commented when you met back up with him at the gate. You shrugged as he got back up to his feet.

“I said everything I needed to say.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

“All right. Let’s head back before it gets dark.”

“Okay.”

He started off. You hesitated and looked back through the gate. Your eyes flashed—for a moment, at the foot of statues, you thought you saw…

“[Name]?” Tetsurou asked concernedly, looking back at you.

“Mm—coming.”

You turned around and caught up to him, taking your husband’s outstretched hand. Atsumu watched you go with a sad smile on his face.

“Why don’t you just call out?” Osamu asked through a mouthful of rice, a stray nori flake sticking to his chin. “She’ll probably be able to see us.”

Atsumu shook his head. “It’s not my place.”

“People like us deserve happiness too, ‘Tsumu. You said it yerself.”

“Naw,” Atsumu murmured to himself, running his hand over the vulnerary she had left him. He could smell the herbs through the cloth. Orange blossom and other homely, fragrant scents that reminded him of her. He looked up, but her shadow was long gone.

“She’s the only one in the whole wide world who deserves my happiness.”

**Don't you hear me howling babe?**

**Author's Note:**

> deltachye.tumblr.com  
> \- loosely inspired by "ayakashi".


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